It was a typical Sunday morning, until Brad Klausman’s daughter came out as bisexual in a church small group - it was a surprise to everyone, even him. He was approached by members of the church who said they would “pray” for her and try to “fix” her. “I realized that my personal convictions no longer aligned with those of the church, but the church was my job…my life.”

Tim is the leader of the New Evangelical Movement. In short, the movement is centered on Jesus, driven by our stories and committed to pushing the Church forward together. @thenewevangelicals

So thankful for Nikki and the wisdom she shared. She has a passion for helping people “come back home” to self. You can follow coach Nikki at @nikki_g_speaks and find a safe place. Thank you again Nikki for all of the incredible work you are doing!

Have you ever been just minding your own business and something is said or played over the radio that sends your world into a tailspin? I mean one moment you are fine and the next moment your heart is racing, you feel light headed, or you're having trouble catching your breath. Sometimes when we have trauma we can't always identify what sets it off.

Have you noticed how Christians have their own religious lingo? Many of these phrases cause those on the outside of religion, look at religious people with skepticism. Even though I was in the church, there were strange things that caused me to pause...things like “let Jesus come into you” or “eat His body.” This language is a man-made method to try and explain things. In my opinion, they fail.

When you began your deconstruction journey did your relationships begin to change? Did you lose friendships? Did your marriage struggle or crumble? Throughout my time as a Life Coach, this has been a continual topic. Personally, I have lost relationships since deconstructing. Unfortunately, many people walking through deconstruction have experienced this often.

Would you consider yourself an open person? When deconstructing, this is an incredible challenge. How open should you be? A lot of us struggle with what is safe to reveal. This possibly stems from the trauma suffered in earlier church situations. When friends disagree and leave you because of your views it hurts and leaves a scar. How do you recover and feel safe again?

Do you forgive people? Should you forgive people all the time? This is a hot topic today. In many religions we are told that we should forgive everyone, including those who have hurt you. Should you forgive those who have hurt you? The church would say, yes. I would say no. Allow me to explain my thoughts.

Are we ever done deconstructing? Over this past month I have been reminded that deconstructing my faith is an on-going process. Just when I think I have everything solid and I have moved past some issues in my life, they pop back up again. I do not know why these things take me by surprise, but they always do. When this happens, I quickly remember the truth and allow those feelings to move through me, processing them once again.

When was the last time you made new year resolutions/goals? Maybe you chose a word for your new year. I used to make new year resolutions and continually failed at upholding them. We have these lofty ideas to take on great things and accomplish them when we start with a “clean slate.”

Letting go of the negative narratives and preconceived notions of what “duality” is – within the world/, the greater Universe and your Self- is an integral part of accepting your whole Self via your identification and acceptance of what the psychology world refers to as your “Shadow” Self.

Are you stressed about future holiday events, being cooped up with an unsupportive family, or grieving old traditions? You are not alone. Deconstructing from religion becomes incredibly challenging through the holiday season.

Whether or not you grew up in a spiritual or faith-based household, the truth is that we have all grown up in (and therefore have been consciously and unconsciously influenced by) societies that have, themselves, been heavily influenced and shaped by faith, religion, and spirituality through the eyes of culture, politics, and government over many centuries.

When someone starts to deconstruct belief systems, they often unearth evidence of past trauma. This evidence can show up as verbal, mental, emotional, spiritual, or even physical trauma. One of the common side effects of trauma is the inability to trust oneself.

Ramen is the food choice of college kids around the world. Is there a cheaper and more filling meal for a 20-something on a budget? After almost four decades of cooking Ramen, I have a finely tuned "Brad's Way" of making this carb-laden snack. And I am not unique in this endeavor. I have also stumbled across many others who have developed diverse and strong opinions about the best way to prepare Ramen.

Have you ever felt lonely? Have you ever felt like people do not understand or value you?  Loneliness can emerge for a variety of reasons. I have felt this way at random times throughout my life, but never more so than in the last three years. Ironically, both being in and leaving the church amplified my feelings of aloneness.

I have struggled with anxiety my entire life. I was just better at hiding it when I was younger. For some, anxiety is always present or comes in waves. For others, it is only sporadic. However, when someone experiences anxiety it is a challenging fact of life. Here are a few triggers of high levels of anxiety…

Growing up in religion, I was always taught that sex was sacred, designed to be shared only within strict parameters: Only between a man and woman. Only within the boundaries of marriage. If you ventured outside of these strict parameters, you sully yourself "like a chewed-up piece of gum or a filthy rag." This purity culture has mentally fundamentally traumatized generations of youth and adults, as it provided no remedy for the sexual dysfunction it created. 

“Why are you offering deconstructing groups for free?”

To be honest, I host these groups because I desperately need community as much as anyone else. There is an increasing demand for community within the deconstructing population, Deconstruction can feel very lonely. These three statements ring true in my journey…

During my deconstruction, I would cringe when I would think about all the things I said and did for religion. We each have it...that part of our past that sticks in our minds like splinters. One day, my friends and I were driving through Scotland, enjoying the lush green of everything. In the distance, I noticed something molded into the surface of the earth.